'Say What' Wednesday

Relayed to us by our daycare provider - Lex: Jordan, you have a bright, big penis! (where does he GET this stuff!?)

Lex (repeated at a rate of about 10 times an hour): *whines* I don't WANT TO!

Dennis: And what do we do to people who drive through our yard?
Lex: Kick 'em in the HEAD.
Me: Merry Christmas to all!

Lex (on the monorail in Disney World): *robotic voice* I. Am. A. Robot.

Me: Lex, what are you doing?
Lex: I *might* be pooping.
Me: Well, then let's go potty!
*head upstairs* *get to bathroom*
Lex: Mommy, the poopie went back UP my butt!
Me: Good! Keep it there until you're on the potty!

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex (yelling from upstairs): Mommy!!!!! Say good night to my blankets!
Me: Good night, Lex's blankets!
Lex: Thank you, mommy!!

Lex to Dennis: Stop talking to me like that. You're making me sick!

Lex (quite loudly) in Walmart: Mommy, if I go poopy in the potty, can I have this monster truck?

Lex: Daddy, clean my fan (talking about the ceiling fan)! It's disgusting!

'Say What Wednesday' will most likely be on hold as that I will be in Disney World (SQUEEEEEE!!!) next week!

'Say What' Wednesday...on Thursday

Sorry, folks. I had what I've been describing as 'black death' on Monday and Tuesday, and I'm just starting to eat again.

Lex (after we said, "COME ON! for the eleventy bajillionth time): Hey, give me 2 seconds!

Lex (talking to Dennis when I wasn't around): Mommy was a whackaloon last night.


thus concludes our 'say what Wednesday' on Thursday this week.

A little taste of the weekend

It snowed! Quite a bit, actually! I went to a wonderful party with a very good friend last night at another couple's house. It was supposed to be a snowflake cutting party complete with using old journal articles (Jenny is a grad student in the School of Journalism) from their research. Moe and I did not participate in the snowflake stuff, but stood in the kitchen shooting the shit with Jenny's husband and someone that he didn't know, but had a lot in common with considering they were both from the Region. I drank almost an entire bottle of wine, played a game called Scribblish, and then my DD (Moe) drove me home in a very light dusting of snow. It was beautiful and I can say it was probably the most fun I've had in awhile. I don't get to go out with friends very often because I feel guilty leaving Lex and D at home, but it felt good I won't lie :-)

Today, the light dusting of snow? Was quite a bit more than a dusting. I think we might have gotten around 3-4 inches. It was the first time that Lex was able to understand what snow is, and he asked to go outside to play. It was so much fun. He took his little car outside and ran around, threw snowballs, fell in the snow, giggled and played. It was joyous, and some of the pics were beautiful...particularly this one.

When he finally went down for a nap, I left to go workout, but before I go to the rec center, I stopped off at work to take some gorgeous shots of the Kirkwood Observatory so that I could get something good for the departmental holiday card. I have a pretty generic camera...nothing fancy, but I was certainly pleased with how they turned out...






I apologize for the crappy formatting of the photos...It's been a long time since I've used HTML. And I'm kind of drinking, so my patience for that kind of shit is WAY limited.

So. Sick.

Poor Lex. My wee man started vomiting last night around 6:30p (right on my best friend, Melanie, mind you), and vomited all night until around 2a. Around 12:30a, it was no longer something I had to clean up because he'd officially hit every vomiting person's worst nightmare: the dry heaves. He literally dry heaved every half an hour for an hour and a half.

At 6a when my husband got up, Lex decided HE wanted up (fuck!) and to go downstairs. I let Dennis take him downstairs so I could try to get another half an hour of sleep to add to the, maybe, two hours I got total last night. So, at some point I heard, "KIMBERLY!!!!!" and I knew he'd thrown up again. *sigh* I'm not sure how much water my husband gave him, but apparently it ended up all over Lex and the floor. So, I waited another hour, and started him on tablespoons of water to see if he could keep them down. He's had 2 tablespoons of water so far, and he's keeping it down thus far. In fact, he's been poking around the fridge and pantry looking for something to eat. I hate telling him that we need to wait, but I don't want to clean something up if he's not feeling really well.

I will say one thing. Having an infant or baby sick is awful. It's the worst feeling in the world. But having a sick toddler/preschooler is a little more manageable. You can watch their little faces change. Lex will say, "Mommy" in such a way that I know it's coming (or his activity level drops SIGNIFICANTLY. So, at least now, I can predict when he might throw up. I had no chance when he was a baby. Sure, he kind of whined, but nothing like he does now...

So, today, I get to spend the day with my sick little dude, who is contentedly sitting next to me on the couch watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It looks like it will be a good day. Sick or not.

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex to Dennis: *taps Dennis on the head* Daddy, your head is empty!

Me: Lex, what do you want for dinner?
Lex: Nothing. I'm too busy.

Lex: Daddy, mommy ripped your mail!!!

Construction Zone

Img: http://theofficialcontractor.com/

Prior to me taking this job, things were set in motion for the department to remove asbestos tiles, get carpet, paint the walls, a new ceiling and new lighting fixtures in our office. So, me and my assistant, are crammed into a conference room/makeshift office while they demolish our old office. Now, this wouldn't be such a huge ordeal, but as one would expect, the amount of noise is excruciating. To top it off, there is ASBESTOS in there...in the room next to mine. And I'm sure that the ventilation system isn't carrying away all of it. So, I'm sure I'm breathing a little bit of it while they tear it all up.

We'll be shoved in this little office for at least 3 weeks if not 4. I'm guessing about the time I leave for Disney World (w00t!) they'll be moving us back into our 'new' office. The one plus to this whole thing? They can't hook up my phone until tomorrow. Considering how much I hate the phone, this part has been amazingly awesome!

'Say What' Wednesday

How does something this innocent say such mean things?!

Lex (still stuck in the 'crackhead' phase): Mommy, you are a silly crackhead

Lex (*clinches fist up*): Mommy, I'm going to punch you in the nose!
Me: Lex, we don't hit people
Dennis: Yeah, so don't be punching people in the face.
Lex: *punches Dennis in the face*

Lex: I'm going to ride in Daddy's car. Wait, actually, this is Mommy's car. Daddy's car is terrible. (he's not even THREE yet! Where did he pick up 'actually'?!)

Weekend Wrap-Up

This weekend was, hmmm, uneventful for the most part. I always take Lex to the Monroe County Public Library http://www.monroe.lib.in.us/ on Saturday mornings to give Dennis a chance to work on the textbook that he's writing. It gives him a good two solid hours to be in the house alone (christ, I'd KILL for that!) to work on geometry, proofs, and all the other icky crap that goes into writing a textbook. The remainder of Saturday afternoon was spent watching crappy tv (Intervention and 16 and Pregnant...yes, I will watch both of them...I realize how lame I am).

Saturday night, I drove up to Indianapolis to one of my very good friend, Kara's, house so that we could drive up to Noblesville to go to a Pure Romance http://pureromance.com/ party. Holy shit, those things can get SERIOUSLY out of hand. I've never heard another woman say, in all seriousness, "Hey, I got some Coochie (a product, mind you!) on my face!" Or my utterance of, "Excuse me, um, I think I broke your cock ring."

Sunday was spent lazing about the house and convincing my son to use the toilet. He managed to stay dry ALL day (he still gets a pull-up for naps and bed), and he used his little toilet for his major transaction. We were very proud, and I think with this recent turn of events, after Thanksgiving we're going to tell the DCP that he's off pull-ups at her house too. I think being forced to be in underwear all day every day will really help us. We know he'll still have accidents and that it won't be perfect, but I think we are all excited (including Lex!) that things are starting to progress. It's funny how just about a week ago I was moaning and whining that we weren't getting anywhere! I guess bitching DOES pay off!

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex to me after Dennis has been banished by Lex from his room: Daddy's a crackhead.

Lex (repeating me when I censored the words Bad Ass to BA): Lex is a total BA

Now, I want to know which kid at daycare has been calling other kids 'crackheads' because I know for SURE he's not hearing that at MY house *looks down* *kicks pebble*

Last weekend

What a great weekend! I earned a $50 gift card for participating in a study at the Journalism School (Thanks, Jenny Porter!), did a little shopping for our vacation (Ahhhh, Disney!! So excited!), and then a trip to http://www.childrensmuseum.org/ on Sunday.

The Indianapolis Children's Museum is truly one of the greatest things about Indy (well, you know, other than my parent's and Dennis' parents living there!). Even as an adult I have a good time looking at the Indiana pond, playing with the boats, riding the carousel, and watching Lex run all over the place like a crazy man. We have a museum membership, which rocks, because if Lex isn't feeling it, we don't have to stay. Just the general admission without the membership is ridiculous. I think it's like $12/person, and kids are $10 or something. I'm sure that's not right, but the fact of the matter is, it's hella expensive. And if Lex is pissy or shitty (or some other bodily function) and isn't down with hanging out there, we can abandon ship and we're not really out anything other than the gas it takes to drive up there.

Thus far, though, he's been completely down with it. Sunday mornings are the best because everyone is in church (we're HEATHENS and it RAWKS!) at 10a when they open, and we and the rest of the heathens have it to ourselves. He can run through the exhibits, and I don't have to make sure he's going to get mixed up with a crowd of people and I won't be able to find him.

We had a great weekend, and we're really looking forward to Jolly Days at the Museum!

This is only a vent

this is not my blog post for the day. This is my way of letting off a little steam that has been building regarding my computer tech guys in my new department. I'm sure that they're wonderful people, but god damn, dude. When your comment to me is, "You'd be so much better off with a Mac" instead of fixing my printer (or sending ME the how to fix) I'm going to start to get a little pissy. I love Macs, I do, they're so pretty and awesome, but right now, I have a PC. And the PC is a HELL of a lot less expensive than a Mac is (and especially since if I get one, I'll still want the dual monitor set up, sooooo...)So much so, that I deliberately chose NOT to answer my phone when he called me this morning because I knew that I would be shitty to him. I do not have time to screw around with printer drivers, IE, and the multitude of other shit he is asking me to do to fix something that, as far as I'm concerned, does NOT need fixed. I'm amazingly good at being efficient, and if one fucking app will not print what I need on MY printer, I'll gladly use another printer. It's an extra 50 steps for me into the copy room.

My former department had amazing support, and I realize that this is a much smaller department, but if you're going to be a tech guy, then you should know ALL operating systems, computers, etc. Not just the one YOU use and like.

/vent

So, yeah. Later this afternoon, I'll have a real blog post, but for now this is what you're getting.

Dear Name -Shortening Jackwagons

Dear NSJW,

I just want you to know that my name is Kimberly. It is my given and professional name. I have not gone by 'Kim' since around 1997. Once I started college, I changed my name. So, that's, what? THIRTEEN years as 'Kimberly'. Look, I'm not sure if you're too lazy to type/say the whole thing, or if you just don't care, but damn it, *I* do care. It annoys the ever living shit right out of me. It is presumptuous of you to assume that I go by Kim when nothing (my email, my ID, my student ID, credit cards, etc) says, "Kim".

The most common thing I hear is, "I have a friend, cousin, mom, grandmother, sister-wife named 'Kim'." Fabulous. We all know "Kims", I get it. But if I introduce myself as "Kimberly" don't immediately think it's up to you to shorten it for me. I realize that we live in this technological age where we need faster and faster ways to communicate, but soon, I'm just going to be "K" because you lazy motherfuckers can't be bothered to say the whole damn name. Sometimes in emails I'll type KimBERLY, but that usually doesn't get the point across either. So, I've had to resort to a standard, "I prefer my given name over the abbreviated version of my name". I swear, though, I'm seriously considering making it part of my professional email signature.

Now, there are special caveats. My parents, my family (who for 18 years called me 'Kim'), some high school friends (but even they have switched over), and my doctor who is so sweet and kind that it doesn't bother me to have her shorten my name. It's endearing, and I've never corrected her.

But as for the rest of you name-shortening jackwagons, this is your warning. Because throat punching is my next recourse.

Best,

Kimberly

PS. STFU about me shortening my son's name to 'Lex'. If you had our last name, you'd shorten your kid's name so that he had a snowball's chance in hell in learning to write it too.

'Say What' Wednesday

A brief list of the things my son has said to my husband or me in the last week. Always good for a laugh...Well, at least for us it is.

Lex (to me after Dennis told him I made a mess in the garage) with a very furrowed brow: Mommy, you’re silly. You got crap all over the garages.

Lex to Dennis after Dennis picked him up from daycare and he wasn’t ready to leave: Daddy, I want to punch you in face!

Lex to me: Mommy, I turned the fan off so you don’t get a cold.

Lex to me after seeing a picture of Trent Reznor on tv: That man is sad. He is sad because he lost his mommy. He’s very cross because it’s dark outside and he can’t see her.

Lex to a friend at daycare who had zoned out and was staring in Lex’s direction: Hey! Why are you staring at me like that with your eyes?

Lex (after noticing I'm becoming visibly frustrated with him): I'm sorry, Mommy. I'll stop jacking around now.

Lex sings, I nag

Lex sings Ring Around the Rosie to his blueberry muffin until I start yammering at him about making a mess. Even when he's obstinate, he's cute as hell.

What has two thumbs and is a moron?

This guy.

This morning, backing out of the garage I bumped a shelving unit bringing a metric shit-ton of garage-y type items cascading onto my car. This is not the first time. Oh, no, I've done this before. But at least this time (if this can be considered a silver lining), I did not rip off the mirror. Score. I'm amazed that I've done this again. Wait, scratch that. No, I'm not. Let's back up (look, haha, a play on words! how quaint.)

The first time I did this, it was in my husband's Element. I loaded Lex up in the car to head off to the Farmer's Market. That time, I did not have the foresight to stop the car and stay put. Which is how more shit probably fell on the car (and ripped the side mirror off) than this time. And as I pulled forward, more stuff fell on the Element (like a fucking weed whacker), and became hysterical all while Lex sat in the backseat.

This time I put the car in park, tried to assess the situation ("I'm fucked" was how I assessed it), and started trying to clean shit up. Because the garage is so narrow, I couldn't even GET to the mirror or the storage unit to try to clean stuff off of it. I had to climb through over the center console into the passenger seat and start unloading crap that way. Presently, there is one large hose, a car wash kit, and unopened kiddie pool in my car.

Once I had everything off of the car, I backed the car up to start to clean up the shit that was on the floor of the garage. Whilst backing up, I crushed about 30 pieces of Lex's sidewalk chalk in the process, and when I went WAAAAAY up in the air on only one tire, I thought "WTF am I rolling over now?!" and then a very loud pop! I got out to reassess THIS situation, only to discover that apparently, under the car was a large full bottle of car wash...that was now blown to shit and all over the garage. EPIC FAIL.

I closed the garage door, looked at my car only to not see much damage...until I got to work. And then I saw what I had done to the mirror. *sigh*

Say what?!

Lex (after noticing I'm becoming visibly frustrated with him): I'm sorry, Mommy. I'll stop jacking around now.

Lex: Mommy, I turned the fan off so you don't get a cold.

A non-kid related post

I love my job. I do. I've never been happier, and I used to think that I really enjoyed my job in PSY.

I have just as much freedom with my schedule (with a couple of caveats), I get paid a SHIT TON more now, and I feel like people really respect not only my opinions but the expertise that I bring to my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm still lost on a lot of things (payroll, transferring funds in and out of my accounts as a couple of examples), but they don't scare me. I am back to doing IUF accounting which was always my favorite part of my accounting duties at PSY, and it pleases me greatly.

I still talk to (or see) the people that mattered most to me from that department. From what I've heard, things in my office have changed so much in the short 7 weeks I've been gone, and I'm kind of glad that I'm not there anymore. It's not that I dislike change, or I obviously wouldn't have taken a shot at this job, but I don't like the way I see thing heading over there. And sometimes it takes completely stepping back from the situation to see how I wouldn't have fit with their new model. And that's fine.

I only have 8 faculty members over here, and they all have very large personalities. Faculty meetings are particularly hilarious, but so far I really seem to like them all. I see some potential personality conflicts with one in particular, but I'm not really worried about it. I've worked with and for some pretty terrible people in my work history, so it's not like I can't fake it.

I have an assistant who has been nothing short of wonderful of showing me where to find stuff and teaching me the ropes of the department. She's stated that the feeling within the department has completely changed for the better since I've started.

So, in short, moving departments was really scary and intimidating, but after 7 weeks, I'm completely pleased with myself and with what I've accomplished so far.

Serious potty training day 2

Ok, well, it might not be 'serious' considering he's only in undies between 4p and 8p, but I feel like we're actually making some progress. The first night we had 3 accidents and 3 new undies. Last night, no accidents, and a lot of positive praise and prizes. For every time he pees (regardless if I ask him to or not) he gets 2 mini M&Ms. Last night, because he stayed dry all night he was able to choose a prize out of the prize bucket. Today, he's already asking for his prize, and I keep reminding him that as long as he keeps going potty in the potty and keeps his big boy undies dry, he'll get his surprise. The best part is, he doesn't scream like I'm murdering him when I put his undies on him now. The first day I physically had to HOLD HIM DOWN to get them on. And Dennis said, "He doesn't like them; don't force him!" I was, like, "Seriously?! Christ, if we let him NOT do all the things he finds discomforting, he'll never get up in the mornings or go to bed!" Apparently, yesterday before I got home, he actually ASKED to put them on, so I feel like that's a check mark for me.

I'm not getting my hopes up, and the real test will be the weekend when he's home with us all day to see if he'll stay dry. Soon, we're going to have to have the DCP having him wear the undies all day (except for nap times, I guess). That's when the real test is going to begin I guess...

Potty Training

Wow, potty training is a total bitch. We've bought big boy undies, mini M&M's for when he does go, prizes for the prize bucket for any trips to the potty that aren't nagged out of him (see below):

Me: Do you have to go?
Lex: (barely looks up from whatever inane thing he's doing) No.
Me: Are you sure?
Lex: Yes.
Me: I'll give you two M&M's if you go
Lex: Ok! I want candy.
Me: *slaps forehead*

We had to change out of Mac underwear and black Lightning McQueen (well, not an African-American...never mind...) undies, and one time he made it to the bathroom, but couldn't pull his drawers down fast enough. So, I reminded him that he was to either go without me or tell me he needs to go to the bathroom. And when he doesn't, and he pees in his undies, we have to go ALLLLLLL the way upstairs to get a new pair and put the old pair in the washing machine.

He loved the M&M's, and I don't feel too terribly guilty since he's only getting 2 at a time (which is the equivalent of 1/2 of a regular M&M). It seemed to work because in the past he's always 'half-ass' peed, which is him sort of going and cutting it off mid-stream when I know damn good and well he's not done peeing. He just doesn't want to waste anymore of his time.

So, I'm hoping that this will be the turning point. I don't want to rush him or pressure him, but I know that if we keep up with good habits, it will click for him.

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

I'm terrible at blogging. I think it's a great idea, and I go whole-hog for about 2 weeks. And then, just like everything, I grow tired of it. So, I guess to keep me trying it, I'll need to come up with things to do on certain days. Or blog on a certain day. Or maybe find something more to blog about? Who knows.

What I can do is tell you the two words that my son says that I love more than anything: Doughmuts (obviously doughnuts) and Squeezers (scissors)

Demons CAN learn manners

My son is in the throes of the Terrible Twos. We thought 6 months ago he was bad. 'Bad' now no longer accurately describes what my son is/has been in the last 3 months. 'Demon possessed' is much more accurate. Screaming, telling us 'no', obstinate, and a multitude of other shitty behaviors have been the norm for the last two weeks. We've been using time out on the couch for the last 6 months and it 'kind of worked'. Worked in the sense that he would sit there for his allotted two minutes (all the while screaming), and then we would let him down, and he'd recreate the behavior that got him there within an hour. These wee ones have a REALLY short memory. :-/

Anywho, a week ago Saturday, the pooh hit the proverbial fan. I actually had to LEAVE the house. Like, LEAVE. Get up, walk out, as to not yell myself hoarse, or worse. So, I walked out of the house leaving my saint of a husband to watch over the demon possessed toddler writhing, gnashing his teeth, and howling. On my short walk to the end of the street and back, I decided I needed a professional. No, not a professional exorcist, but the Super Nanny.

I used to scoff at people who would refer to this woman. "It's a stupid tv show" (all this was said before my son was 'invented' or still an infant) I'd remind them often rolling my eyes. All I have to say, is this woman has more patience than I could ever dream of, but her methods DO work. And I really do think with a lot of time, a united front, and metric shit-ton of consistency, her methods may actually exorcise the demon without the collar wearing potential pedophile.

Yup. My son hates me.

Tonight, after being away from 6a until 6:30p, I came home. I was very excited to see Lex. I'd talked about him to my mom all day...all the way to the covered bridge festival and all the way home. Just last night I got a little too cocky and thought, "Maybe he's growing out of this 'I hate mommy' phase". Yeah. He hit me in the arm tonight with a train, while it was in his hand. It left two distinct marks and a cut on my arm. And while I held him (because SITTING in time out was apparently out of the question), he repeated at the top of his lungs over and over, "I want you to get away from me. I want Daddy".

*sigh* I'm pretty sure that hurts as bad as a swift kick the junk for a man.

Thursday afternoon in words

"Fuck" - spoken by the man (repeatedly) running through People's Park. That place is so dodgy. I'm not sure why I even go there to read. There are just too many whack-a-loons. The only difference between hanging out in the library during the day and People's Park is that the crazies keep their voices down in the library.

"Elvira" - a data entry program I learned today. Elvira has 2 friends: Elvis AND Edgar. I have no idea why IU is hellbent on naming their systems after weird names.

"Stress" - The Summer 2011 schedule is due a week from tomorrow. Everyone is assuring me that it isn't a huge deal since we're just going to offer the same stuff we do every summer, but when I've never even BUILT a schedule before, it kind of is a big deal.

"Gorgeous" - my god, it's beautiful outside today.

"Excited" - I'm taking tomorrow off (see: "stress") to go to the Covered Bridge Festival with my mom.

Of course I can't!

My second least favorite question beside, "When are you having another one?!" is "Can you imagine your life without him now?"

This is usually what happens:



And then I come around and say, "No, of course not! He's the greatest thing ever!"

I'm essentially drinking, eating, and running my way through the Terrible Twos.

Dear John letter

So, unbeknownst to my weekend employer, today will be my last day. There's a formal letter in my bag with 2 keys taped to it. With this new job at IU comes FAR more responsibility and an almost $4 an hour raise, so my need for this position is waning. And the simple fact of the matter is, I'm EXHAUSTED at the end of the week now. I'm barely able to make it until 11p now on Fridays, as it is, and the prospect of sitting in virtual dark using a Mac with the brightness tuned way up too high, and the screen less than 12in from my face is becoming less of a necessity and more of a pain in my ass. There were two things keeping me here: my money grubbing ways and my friend Nathen. After we talked last week, I thought that I might be able to hack it out until Christmas, but this morning I just figured I was FED UP. Actually, I was fed up the day my employer vomited in the trashcan behind me while I worked, and then left it there to tell me she'd 'clean it up' when she was done doing what she was doing, but that's neither here nor there. Everything I need to do, personally, practically needs done on the weekends, and now that I'm starting to get into running 5ks that just so happen to land on Saturdays as well, I just figured it's not worth the time and effort, and it's not worth the $50 or so I'm getting out of it. Plus, after taking Lex to the library last week on Saturday morning, I just figured I was missing out on some good times with him.

I'm definitely going to miss the people I work with here; they've been wonderful, interesting, and entertaining...but it's time to move on, and let someone else take my place. I need to spend time with my son and my husband. I need to sleep in, stay in my PJs, go to the farmer's market, take Lex to the library, and a multitude of other things that I want/need to do.

So, adios, weekend job. You saved our asses from poverty for about a year, and for that I'm grateful...but yeah. You and me? We're breaking up. It's not me; it's you.

New blog, first post

Now that I've started a new job, I figure now is the time to start a new blog. I abandoned my livejournal blog for the user-friendlier version blogger. There's so much going on in our lives right now, I feel like now is a good time to start blogging again.

So, yeah, here it is...nothing of great interest to say yet, but I talk a lot. So, I'm not worried about not having anything to say anytime soon.