Say What Wednesday

Lex (looking out the window): Hey, there's Megan and her doggie. Wait, no. That's the boy Megan. (talking about our neighbor Megan and her husband).

Me to Lex: What was your favorite part of today? (we'd spent the entire day in Magic Kingdom)
Lex: The Yo-Yos (gigantic yo-yos at our hotel).

Lex: Daddy, Mommy is going to beat you up because she's strong.

Say What Wednesday (and HACKED!!)

So, apparently, my account was hacked this morning. Awesome.

And today, I had to take Lex to the doctor this morning because he was running a low grade fever, vomiting, and generally feeling like crap. He was so amazing at the doctor. He was swabbed for strep, gagged, and then went back to playing Angry Birds. Awesome again! Anyway, I stayed home with him all day, and when he finally went down for his nap he slept for FIVE FREAKING HOURS. It was like having a free day at home by myself all day. Score. He's still awake right now, so we'll see if he falls asleep anytime tonight.

Onto Say What Wednesday:

Lex: I have cherry lips, mommy

Lex: Mommy, STOP!!! You're messing up my hair cut!
Me: Who are you trying to impress?
Lex: You.
Me: Oh, well, then I'll stop.

Lex, after putting his leg in the same pants hole 3 times in a row: Aw, DAMN IT! I did it again!!

Lex (after I wiped his mouth after he vomited in a weak voice): Thank you, Mommy. I love you.

Say What Wednesday

After the morning I had with the Tyrant, I'm going to need to remind myself of times when he's not kicking, punching, or just being a general early morning douchebag. Thus, I bring you, a lot of funny from the last week.

Lex: Daddy hit me like the pizza man! (we have no idea what he's talking about...)

Lex to me: You want to eat my little sausage? (he's holding up a tiny little sausage...get your minds out of the gutter!)

Lex: I keep knocking over these monster trucks and keep having to pick them up. And I'm. So. Sick. Of. It.

Lex: Holy Jesus, Mommy! You got in front of my bus and almost got runned over.

Lex (after I turn on the fan in the bathroom while he's making a major transaction): Don't turn the fan on, Mommy. It's loud and it makes me nervous.

Lex (after spending a seemingly long time trying to cram a matchbox car into a matchbox car case): What the hell?!
Me: What did you say?
Lex: Nothing...

Say What Wednesday

I'm going to the bathroom with the door mostly closed. Lex pushes the door all the way open.

Lex: What are you doing, Mommy?
Me: Peeing. What are you doing?
Lex: Nothing. *pauses* Do you pee out of your butt?
Me: Nooooo....
Lex: Why do you sit to pee?
Me: We've been over this...I don't have a penis.
Lex: Did you throw it the trash?
Me: not that I'm aware of...

Lex to Dennis: You want a piece of me?

'Say What' Wednesday

Look a SWW ON Wednesday!

Lex: Daddy, what's wrong?
Dennis: I'm perturbed.
Lex: Why are you a turd, Daddy?

Lex: I think a big giant turtle is going to smash my house. I'll have to build a castle house.

Lex: I want a cookie.
Me: You can have half of a cookie.
Lex: I want two halves of a cookie.
Me: Your math is excellent...you're still getting half of a cookie.
Lex: But that half of the cookie is yucky; I want both halves.
Me: If one half of the cookie is yucky, why wouldn't the other half be yucky?
Lex: Because this other half makes that half yummy.

I'm wondering if I have a future hostage negotiator or lawyer in my house...

A late Say What Wednesday

Lex is messing with the back of his shorts...repeatedly.

Me (after watching this go on for a few minutes): Lex, what in the hell are you doing?
Lex: My JUNK is driving me CRAZY!

An update with a late Say What Wednesday

Just a little backstory on this one...Lex has had a mild-moderate reaction to amoxicillin. He had a double ear infection about 10 days ago. We took him, got him some antibiotics, and things were great until Wednesday. Our daycare provider, Susan, gave Lex a haircut, and when she was done the back of his neck was broken out...bad. We weren't sure what it was, but I knew he still had 2 more days of antibiotics, and I know you're not supposed to just 'stop' taking antibiotics so I gave him last dose before he went to bed on Wednesday night.

Thursday morning, we wake him to take him to Susan's house and both of his eyes are VERY swollen and angry red...so, I call the doctor's office so that they can see him. His appointment is at 8a and I have a dentist appointment another town away in the opposite direction. Thankfully, Dennis is on spring break this week, and he could take Lex into see the nurse practitioner that had some time available. Our doctor's first appointment wasn't until 11a. I guess she had to talk to the doctor anyway because when she saw him, she didn't know what it was.

I guess they figured it had to have been the antibiotic because Dennis is also allergic to all of the cillins too, so they've chalked it up to that. He's now on prednisone, which as far as I can tell, is speed for children. Lex is running around the house like a crazy person. I mean, actually running in circles in the living room, and running from one room to the next. I'd taken yesterday and today off so that I could hang out with Dennis, and then I was taking Lex to Bloomington Bagel Company and then to the library. Um....No. Not happening. I can't take him out in public with his face all blotchy and red and hive-y looking, on top of the out of control running. I don't think he'd listen to me, and I don't want him running all over the library screaming like he is at home. Maybe tomorrow *sigh*

So, onto the SWW comment (which actually happened yesterday. Sue me.):

On our way upstairs to take a nap, Lex tries to grab the remote control to take with him.

Me: Lex, leave the remote downstairs.
Lex: I don't want to.
Me: Well, it won't work on anything upstairs, so just leave it here.
Lex: When *I'm* bigger, I'm taking the remote control upstairs. I'm going to be bigger than YOU, then Daddy, then Susie, then Chase and Chandler (a set of twins at daycare).

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex: Mommy, you are so mean.

This was said in response to me telling him, repeatedly mind you, to do something. He intentionally turned his back on me while I was trying to get him to clean up his mess before he started to drag out a metric-crap ton of other things. I think a little bit of me died inside when he said it because, although, I didn't raise my voice, I know my tone was pretty shitty. All I could think of was, 'Great. Before I know it, he's going to be telling me hates me.' I really need to learn to NOT do that. I do it to both Dennis and Lex (and sometimes it sneaks out in other facets of my life). My temper FREQUENTLY gets the best of me, and rather than throttle the kid, I take a pretty nasty tone. I'd hate to watch myself on video because I know I'd be super embarrassed at how I react/act sometimes.

Lex to Dennis: Hey, Daddy, where's your phone?
Dennis: In my pocket
Lex: Ok, just checking.

Lex: Mommy, which one do you want (holds up 3 Hot Wheels in blue, yellow, and green)?
Me: Um, the blue one.
Lex: You can have the yellow one.
Me: Why do you make me choose when you know you're not going to let me have the one I want?
Lex: I don't know!

Say What Wednesday

Sorry, this week's 'episode' surrounds the things that boys like, I guess.

Lex: Daddy, Hermie doesn't like to make toys!

Lex: *passes gas in the bathtub*: Mommy, my penis just burped. Did you see it?!

Lex (after having a major transaction on the potty): Mommy, it smells like poopie in here! Someone needs to turn on the fan!!

Say What Wednesday

Lex to Dennis when he floors the car to scoot across traffic: JESUS, Daddy!

Using the lord's name in vain? Definitely my kid.

Random thoughts by Lex (recalling an event on Tuesday evening): There are no shopping carts at Kroger.

Lex to me: Gabriel had green hair today. He looked like a keprechaun.

I've never EVER said the word 'leprechaun' to Lex. Ever. And I have no idea if Gabriel really had green hair. And when I queried Lex about Gabriel's hair, he just kept repeating that he looked like a 'keprechaun'. I laughed so hard I started to cry...and Lex said, "Mommy, I won't say it anymore, don't cry!!" He was so cute!

'Say What' Wednesday

The part where Lex exerts his independence and expands his tyrannical reign over his parents.

Lex (sitting on toilet): Daddy, you need to leave my bathroom. You're bothering me.

Lex (to me last night at dinner): I'm in charge, not you.


This week's edition is a little light in content. Most of my comments from Lex are taken over the weekend or when he says something particularly amusing. However, Lex came down with strep throat Saturday night, and he didn't really do a lot this weekend outside of whining, sleeping, and then sleeping some more. It felt like I had three dogs instead of two with all the lazing around.

On another note of interest to me, mostly, is we moved from Lex's convertible daybed to his full size bed. He is now completely dwarfed and about 4 feet in the air. His bed actually sits, easily, 6-8in higher than our bed. He loves it. All he wanted to do was lay around on it last night. And for the first time since Friday night, slept soundly and through the night. It was all kinds of awesome.

And on the potty training front, Lex now only wears his pull-ups for naps and bedtime. On the binky front? Those little things have officially been kicked to the curb.

'Say What' Wednesday

Well, Lex is definitely learning some of our colorful vernacular.

Lex: Daddy, you are a wiener.

Lex: Daddy, do NOT talk with your mouth full!

Lex: I'm gonna kick you in the NUTS! (yeah, he got that one from me. My bad.)

Last week, it snowed terribly in Bloomington, so I left the 4x4 with the boys in case they wanted to get out. Apparently, this was what Lex said to Dennis

Lex: If we don't go pick up mommy at work, she'll have to work all night and she'll be mad. And then she won't come to my birthday party!

'Say What' Wednesday

Oh, my 7 readers, I'm so sorry about slacking on the Disney thing. When I get home from work, I'm exhausted, and then I have 3 year old up in my face, and when he goes to bed I go work out...blogging is usually saved for lunches and in between work to refresh myself. I'll try to get back to it, but mostly for me. I'm going to forget all the terrible/wonderful things.

At any rate, I bring you, LEX!

Me: Lex, go pee pee.
Lex: No, mommy, I'm too lazy.

Lex (randomly to me): *pats my hand* You'll be fine, mommy. (for whatever reason, this shocked me)

Me: *hands Lex a cup full of water*
Lex: Ugh. Mommy, this water tastes TERRIBLE

Me to D: Turn this (2010 'Clash of the Titans') off.
Lex: Nooooooo! I'm watching this!

Say What Wednesday

Lex: Mommy, you only have four hands.
Me: Lex, I only have two hands.
Lex: Yeah, whatever.

Lex: I don't want to go pee pee in my underwear.
Me: That's good.
Lex: Yeah, I want to go pee pee on the floor.

Lex (seeing my bottle of wine): I want YOUR grape juice.
Me: You stay AWAY from my sangria, kid.

'Say What' Wednesday

Relayed to us by our daycare provider - Lex: Jordan, you have a bright, big penis! (where does he GET this stuff!?)

Lex (repeated at a rate of about 10 times an hour): *whines* I don't WANT TO!

Dennis: And what do we do to people who drive through our yard?
Lex: Kick 'em in the HEAD.
Me: Merry Christmas to all!

Lex (on the monorail in Disney World): *robotic voice* I. Am. A. Robot.

Me: Lex, what are you doing?
Lex: I *might* be pooping.
Me: Well, then let's go potty!
*head upstairs* *get to bathroom*
Lex: Mommy, the poopie went back UP my butt!
Me: Good! Keep it there until you're on the potty!

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex (yelling from upstairs): Mommy!!!!! Say good night to my blankets!
Me: Good night, Lex's blankets!
Lex: Thank you, mommy!!

Lex to Dennis: Stop talking to me like that. You're making me sick!

Lex (quite loudly) in Walmart: Mommy, if I go poopy in the potty, can I have this monster truck?

Lex: Daddy, clean my fan (talking about the ceiling fan)! It's disgusting!

'Say What Wednesday' will most likely be on hold as that I will be in Disney World (SQUEEEEEE!!!) next week!

'Say What' Wednesday...on Thursday

Sorry, folks. I had what I've been describing as 'black death' on Monday and Tuesday, and I'm just starting to eat again.

Lex (after we said, "COME ON! for the eleventy bajillionth time): Hey, give me 2 seconds!

Lex (talking to Dennis when I wasn't around): Mommy was a whackaloon last night.


thus concludes our 'say what Wednesday' on Thursday this week.

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex to Dennis: *taps Dennis on the head* Daddy, your head is empty!

Me: Lex, what do you want for dinner?
Lex: Nothing. I'm too busy.

Lex: Daddy, mommy ripped your mail!!!

'Say What' Wednesday

How does something this innocent say such mean things?!

Lex (still stuck in the 'crackhead' phase): Mommy, you are a silly crackhead

Lex (*clinches fist up*): Mommy, I'm going to punch you in the nose!
Me: Lex, we don't hit people
Dennis: Yeah, so don't be punching people in the face.
Lex: *punches Dennis in the face*

Lex: I'm going to ride in Daddy's car. Wait, actually, this is Mommy's car. Daddy's car is terrible. (he's not even THREE yet! Where did he pick up 'actually'?!)

'Say What' Wednesday

Lex to me after Dennis has been banished by Lex from his room: Daddy's a crackhead.

Lex (repeating me when I censored the words Bad Ass to BA): Lex is a total BA

Now, I want to know which kid at daycare has been calling other kids 'crackheads' because I know for SURE he's not hearing that at MY house *looks down* *kicks pebble*