Say What Wednesday

After the morning I had with the Tyrant, I'm going to need to remind myself of times when he's not kicking, punching, or just being a general early morning douchebag. Thus, I bring you, a lot of funny from the last week.

Lex: Daddy hit me like the pizza man! (we have no idea what he's talking about...)

Lex to me: You want to eat my little sausage? (he's holding up a tiny little sausage...get your minds out of the gutter!)

Lex: I keep knocking over these monster trucks and keep having to pick them up. And I'm. So. Sick. Of. It.

Lex: Holy Jesus, Mommy! You got in front of my bus and almost got runned over.

Lex (after I turn on the fan in the bathroom while he's making a major transaction): Don't turn the fan on, Mommy. It's loud and it makes me nervous.

Lex (after spending a seemingly long time trying to cram a matchbox car into a matchbox car case): What the hell?!
Me: What did you say?
Lex: Nothing...

Say What Wednesday

I'm going to the bathroom with the door mostly closed. Lex pushes the door all the way open.

Lex: What are you doing, Mommy?
Me: Peeing. What are you doing?
Lex: Nothing. *pauses* Do you pee out of your butt?
Me: Nooooo....
Lex: Why do you sit to pee?
Me: We've been over this...I don't have a penis.
Lex: Did you throw it the trash?
Me: not that I'm aware of...

Lex to Dennis: You want a piece of me?